I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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