i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Found the puke drawer
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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