oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
