Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
