saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
