around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
