Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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