You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We need to get me chipped asap
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
