And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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