Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
