cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
