My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
