quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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