WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
