Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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