11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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