Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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