i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize