I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
