Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
