So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
