its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
