Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
