Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
