My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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