lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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