what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
