They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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