I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
