I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
