I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize