At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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