I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
