My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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