why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
