Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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