wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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