he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
