the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize