she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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