How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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