is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
