Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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