Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
