Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
