the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
