i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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