Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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