its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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