I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
