I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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