When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My bed smells like the plague
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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