So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
