Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
