PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
