SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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