Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize