i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
