You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
