I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
