from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
