wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Randomize
