You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
