Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
