We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
