Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
