If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
