My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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