I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
