Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
