He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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