My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize