I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
