do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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