Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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